Big Brother Lotty and Cassy Style
by WhatIsMyName13
Summary: Another sequel to Lotty and Cassy's previous adventures with the Cullens, but whats this? No Cullens to be seen, this is a Big Brother, Harry Potter, Darren Shan crossover, though we do have a conversation about our Cullen men...


**Cassy: **Hello! And welcome to Big Brother 103 and we are your hosts-

**Lotty: **Cassy Cool and Lotty Awsum! Prepare yourselves for the freakiest bunch of ouchmates ever!

**Cassy: **Ouchmates?

**Lotty: **I have a headache. How did we get here anyway?

**Cassy: **We came in a black taxi cab, you don't remember because you passed out-

**Lotty: **Why did I pass out?

**Cassy: **You passed out because you were pissed out of your head and high on hair dye fumes

**Lotty: **That would explain why my hair was this colour...

**Camera Man: **You are live on Channel 42

**Lotty: **Oh shit, anyway this is the first freak, Harry!

**Cassy: **You're not allowed to swear until after 9 o'clock! Anyway, here's Harry-

**Lotty: **Harry is a wizard from Hoogwarzt-

**Cassy: **It's Hogwarts

**Lotty: **Whatever, he fancies some little ginger and Dermot O'Leary is always trying to kill him

**Cassy: **By the way, Dermot O'Leary is Voldemort's day job

**Lotty: **He enjoys long walks on the beach and being in enclosed places with naked women, I give you HARRY POTTER!!

**Music – The Mysterious Ticking Noise**

**Harry: **Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! That's me!

**Cassy: **It looks like he's confident enough! *mutters 'arrogant bastard'*

**Lotty: **I'm hungry...are we allowed to eat? I want tacos...

**Cassy: **I'll take you to Taco Bell later, but only if you don't get drunk or high again!

**Camera Man: ***coughs* you're still on camera

**Lotty: **Um yes, next freak please, Mr Crepsley...Oh my god, look at this guys picture, what a freak

**Cassy: **Mr Crepsley doesn't like sunlight, garlic or sharp pieces of wood, he enjoys role play and baths with lots of bubbles. He also like perving on young boys.

**Lotty: **We give you, Perverted Old Man!

**Music – Womanizer by Britney Spears**

**Mr Crepsley: **I'm a womanizer baby!

**Audience: **Ewww...

**Cassy: ***shivers* It's Mr Crepsley!

**Lotty: **I'm really hungry, how much longer is this gonna take and where's the nearest Taco Bell?

**Camera Man: **There's no Taco Bell in Britain

**Lotty: ***cries*

**Cassy: **HEY! You, manager director guy! Go and get her an Old El Paso Taco Kit and make her tacos before she kills someone especially me.

**Lotty: **With sour cream, grated cheese, baked beans and spicy mince!

**Cassy: **What is it with you and tacos anyway?

**Lotty: **They remind me of Edward

**Cassy: **Why didn't he come with us like Jasper did? Where is he?

**Lotty: **Prison

**Cassy: **How?

**Lotty: **He got caught when we robbed a bank

**Cassy: **Oooh...WAIT! WHAT? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

**Lotty: **Yesterday...

**Cassy: **Where was I?

**Lotty: **Japan... I think...somewhere like that anyway

**Cassy: **Ooooh...China Town, but which bank did you rob?

**Lotty: **The Bank of England...OHHH! That explains how I got here.

**Cassy: **No, it doesn't. I found you on the floor of a pub, a man was going to rape you, how did you get to the pub? In Northern Ireland?

**Lotty: **IT WAS THE LEPRECHAUNS!! Oh yeah, next freak...BOB!

**Cassy: **There is no Bob

**Lotty: **Yes there is... *takes off shoe* this is Bob

**Cassy: **No dear, that is your shoe

**Camera Man: ***coughs* you're still on camera *coughs*

**Cassy: **Sorry, here's Bec!

**Lotty: **Bec is a 1500 year old whore from Alaska

**Cassy: **She's not from Alaska!

**Lotty: **Olden place then! She doesn't like caves, dead people, or being dead

**Cassy: **She has a huge grudge against Davina and a huge crush on Lassy the dog!

(A/N, Davina is Lord Loss' day job)

**Lotty: **She's short and slightly overweight, we give you BEC! Of the Undead!

**Music – Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie**

**Cassy: **It's BEC! *mutters 'slut'*

**Lotty: **Where the hell are my tacos? I WANT TACOS!!

**Camera Man: **Here you go *hands Lotty a taco*

**Lotty: ***takes a bite*

...

*spits it out in his face*

There's no sour cream!

DIE DIE DIE! *punches the poor man in the face*

**Camera Man: ***clutches nose* I'll go get some!

**Lotty: **Well, hurry up...

**Cassy: **Anyway...Next person...IT'S HERMIONE!

**Lotty: ***still stomping*

**Cassy: **Hermione loves books, reading books, looking at books, buying books, borrowing books, going to the library, being right and lots of other book related things! As a special fact: She has read Wikipedia!

**Lotty: ***still stomping and yelling about tacos*

**Cassy: **I GIVE YOU, HERMIONE!!

**Music – Darth Vader's Theme Tune from Star Wars**

**Lotty: **OMG!! THE LETTUCE IS SOGGY!!!! GO GET FRESH!!!

**Camera Man: ***runs away*

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, so there is more to come

We have a lot more housemates to bring in and torture

Teehee!

I've been having SO MUCH FUN making the Cassy and Lotty spoofs

I just wish people would read the other ones...=[

Some of the jokes in this relate to them

Like the Edward and Lotty rob a bank one and Lotty's weird fetish with tacos...

READ AND REVIEW PEOPLES!!

See ya'll soon

Love

Zee

xxx


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